Shrinking at the Seams My Modelling Journey

In this post I tell tales of how cut throat and ruthless the modelling industry is, what it take to become a high fashion model and more.

TW for eating disorders

November 7th, 2017 // Oscar De La Renta

I am hesitant to make this post. I still have friends who model who have had similar experiences, and other friends who have had a very different narrative. This is my modelling story. I did not bad agency, nor were the agents rude, everyone was just trying to make me successful so that we all would make money. For those of you who aren’t aware of what an agencies role is; they take around 20% of what you are paid, they find you the jobs, send you locations, etc. There are agencies in many different career paths, you could look at real estate brokerages as a modelling agencies and real estate agents, as a model. A middle man who takes money from the pot.

When I was 16 I moved across the country with my sister who was 18. We lived near Toronto. I was starting my modelling career. Before moving to Toronto I had been playing competitive volleyball, which involves a lot of jumping and squatting movements. What that does is makes hips larger and builds thigh muscle, it is great for the sport, but counterintuitive for modelling. Right away I was set up with a personal trainer who I would Skype once a week. She had given me different workout programs to slim down, recipes that other models use, and apps to count calories. I will put in quotes from her emails.

“PEANUT BUTTER: 1 tbsp is the max per day, but it's easy to have a heaping spoonful or go back for more. It's super high in fat and while a little is fine, make sure the portions you're entering are correct.”

“lose weight, 1 lb per week (not our real goal - but this gets the app to put calories where I want them, should be ~1300)”

“Please try a no breading on the cod? Instead use those calories to add some protein to your breakfast.”

That is a little taste of what I was dealing with weekly. I was 16 being told by adults including an agency owner, agents, clients and a personal trainer that I needed to lose inches. Pounds was not the goal, inches were.
This photo is 6 months before I started on the diet and workout plan:

Alberta// 15-years-old// 2016

Since I signed my contract in October of 2016, I had to complete my grade 10 school year, in Alberta. I flew out again in April of 2017 for a couple of photoshoots. I had done my best to try to lose as many inches as I could while still competing every weekend with volleyball. I did not have any treats or desserts, and I would go to a Crossfit workout every Saturday morning and do hot yoga twice a week.

These photos are still living in Grande Prairie but modifying my diet and workout plans:

April, 2017 // Digitals

Test shoot// April, 2017

When I moved that summer to Toronto I was serious about becoming a model, every month I got smaller and smaller. I took what my trainer said to heart about the 1300 calories a day. I realized the less I ate the less I weighed. I stopped doing the workouts she gave me and just ran on the treadmill, it shed calories the fastest.

July 7th, 2017

I had a nose job around this time. My nostrils were uneven. They corrected it by detaching one of my nostrils and moving it up and in before restitching it. A minor procedure that I was still put under anaesthesia for. For my pre opt. appointment I had run into a model with the same agency. Another model had recently reached out to me for having a similar nose surgery.

At the time I had not even noticed my uneven nostrils. You can form your own judgement if you think a 16-year-old girl can consent to plastic surgery. My parents were still in Alberta. If I did not do the surgery I would get shamed by the agency and get less jobs and castings.

August 8th, 2017

September 9th, 2017

Around September I was hardly eating. Running daily sometimes even twice a day. I started a new school. Since I was no longer eating I was no longer pooping. I started abusing laxatives daily. I was shrinking rapidly and getting praised for it by receiving more work from my agency. It was positive reinforcement for starving myself. I would hate myself when I ate too much. I also started a job the month of October at a private golf course because I did not have enough going on, clearly.

November 16th, 2017

I received this email a day after I took this photo:

“Hi Hi,

You look AMAZING!!!! AMAZINGGGGGGG!!!!!!

Taylor has been working hard at everything and her hard work is paying off
Her diet and exercise, her disposition, everything has made a real 360 degree turn.  She is trying hard and it shows.
It is great to have Taylor getting back to her old self.  
This is a team effort, and I thank all of you for your hard work!
Looking forward to where this will take you Taylor.  Keep up the good work.  We are all proud of you!”

This only gave me more motivation. I would get cold easily wearing my uniform at school, so under my size 0 pants, I would wear a pair of leggings or long johns and a long sleeve shirt under a long sleeve shirt. For breakfast, I would have a cup of coffee and a shot of apple cider. I would bring tea to school. On Sundays, I would meal prep lunches which were usually made up of a banana and some type of chicken stir fry. For dinner I would cook soup as well as some type of roasted vegetable.

December 28th, 2017 // home for Christmas

Somebody tell me why I was doing Crossfit looking like this? I will tell you. It was to get confirmed to go to Milan, Italy for fashion week. My Toronto agency said I should post a story on Instagram at the gym every day to show the work I was putting in, but I think it was so they could keep tabs on me to see if I was going. I am not going to go into manipulation, but when you are living on the other side of the country from your parents there is a lot that can happen. I think it is important to mention that I wanted to look this skinny. I wanted to be a top model and this is what you had to look like.

I took off to Italy for Men’s Fashion Week in January 2018. I walked two shows. Palm Angels is the most relevant brand. I did looks for Prada and Roberto Cavalli as well.

Palm Angels // 2018

For those of you who do not understand Men’s Fashion Week, it is basically the same as Woman’s Fashion Week but with men. There are some women needed for shows but it is not quite as popular. Just like in Women’s Fashion Week some men are needed. The two fashion weeks occur a couple of weeks from each other and follow the same circuit. I flew back to Toronto after Men’s Fashion Week to take my exams and work a couple of shifts at the golf course before flying back to Milan.

This post is already so long and we are only halfway through. On Tuesday there will be part two describing Women’s Fashion Week, living in a model apartment, why I quit modelling and how my eating disorder dissolved over time. Thanks for joining. xx