21 thoughts on my 21st
This post includes 21 ideas and questions that currently consume most of my thoughts. A little look inside my brain.
Montenegro // 2021
Does anyone ever know what they are doing? With life, there is no rulebook. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. I met a 40-year-old man the other day who travels with only his guitar. He lives his life by going to different places asking for a place to stay in return for a nightly show. He makes his money playing down at the docks relying solely on tips from strangers. He is totally at peace with himself. Then you have those who have a 9-5 job stuck in the rat race. Neither way of living is right or wrong however, how does it make it any easier for me to know if I am doing okay?
Am I ever going to find someone better to love than those who I have in the past? With my first boyfriend, I was madly in love. Then he deployed with the Canadian military to Ukraine for 7 months and on top of that, we lived on opposite sides of Canada. I sacrificed a lot to be with him already but I was not willing to give him everything, especially with how strict the military is. Then just recently I found myself in a very similar situation as before and although every bone in my body wanted to start another relationship with someone I idealize in most ways, I did not want to put myself through the painful long distance again. My question is do I have to give up so much of myself to be in love?
Are all men clueless? In one way or another, all men low key suck a little bit. Even those I have loved, those who I idealize, those I care for, they just don’t get it.
Should I go to school in September? I am enrolled in schooling to be a power engineer in a nearby village close to my hometown. I want to get my power engineering to have something to fall back on. At the same time, I want to move to Toronto and start some business ideas that I have. The problem with power engineering is I may just become addicted to the money and not leave the industry. The problem with starting a business is there is no financial security. Time will tell.
I am investing in experience. With travelling, I am spending my time and money and getting amazing stories, opportunities and life lessons out of it. Anyone can travel no matter what the age, but this is the only age I want to be spending in hostel dorms. If you can only travel for a week or two a year because of work, kids, etc, I still recommend you do, I have never heard someone regret going to Switzerland for a week.
At what cost are most people making money? In my hometown, people make loads of money in weeks intervals when they go to camp but they come back with depression, addiction and end up blowing all the money on a new lifted pick up truck or a snowmobile. Or you have those people that work at an office and hate their boss but show up day in day out because they ‘need’ that job. They do not want to switch careers or offices because they cannot fathom taking a risk. At what cost are most people making money? and how do I stay away from it and make my money work for me?
Do I want kids? This is one of those things. Some women would love to make a house a home but when my house for half the year is a backpack I could currently care less about a home.
Is this as good as it gets? Asking for a friend.
Should I take money out of my tax-free-saving account and invest more in Air Canada and or Selina hostels, that will hit the market soon? For Americans on here, a tax-free account is like your 401’s. I could go into more detail of why I like each option but I think most people get it or they don’t. Is the risk worth the reward?
Am I going to be as successful as I think I am going to be? I briefly talked about why I like Vietnam so much but when I was there I had this moment where I just knew no matter what happened I am going to do big things with my life. Since then the thought pops in and out of my mind. Growing up I put myself in the box of finding a rich guy, being a nurse, managing a restaurant, etc. Now my mentality has switched to being the rich wife or an owner of a chain of restaurant. Okay maybe not those specific businesses but you get the point. The question is can I do it?
Am I living in my prime years? Are the next couple of years my prime? Am I currently living in the best time of my life and not even knowing it?
I hope my mindset does not change when I return to Canada for a long period of time. I hope I do not fall into the rat race cycle. Making money only to spend it on material items. I wish that I will always value experience over most other things. I am not a material girl.
What will be my hardest struggle? Finances? Mental health? Heartbreak? How will I get through it? In the back of my mind, the “I will be okay no matter what” mentality creeps in. Still though.
Is it bad that I am not a morning person? I value night time. I would love to wake up early, make coffee, work out then have a smoothie bowl all before 10 am. However, it is very unrealistic with the current jobs I maintain in Canada. While travelling I am waking up whenever my body allows me to.
What happens when you die? Heaven or hell? A void through space? Six more lives? Reincarnation? I am mostly just curious. It doesn’t change how I live my life.
I have allergies to something. I am unsure what. I would like to find out for sure. I think it’s pesticides on fruits, a slight allergy to almonds and some kinds of alcohol but it is quite annoying that I do not know what specifically.
Why do I care so much what people think about me? I know I have accomplished a lot at my age but in some aspects, but nowhere near where I want to be. I compare myself to others who are not even in the same category, ex: a young famous actress who got famous from their parents. It does not happen often but people do say rude things about my lifestyle and instead of having a ‘this doesn’t affect me’ attitude I truly dwell on it.
Am I running away from something or chasing it? I travel a lot. Sometimes I do not know if I am running away from my problems in my small town or chasing the feeling of the freedom travel gives me. I guess it could be a little bit of both but I do not allow myself to look closer at it as I fear I will not like the answer.
I am thankful for my life.
Does anything matter if we all die? I do not think it matters how many people I sleep with (as long as I enjoy it and we both consent), how many trips I go on, if I choose to eat the piece of cake, etc because we all do die. If it will not matter in five years, do not let it bother you for five minutes. Easier said than done for sure.
I want to be a nomad for the next couple of years. How can I accomplish that and still set myself up for success in the future? I think it involves a couple years of grinding and setting up a business then either selling it or hiring someone to take over. How can I live my current lifestyle and still make money?
That is 21 thoughts on my 21st. I hope you enjoyed it. See you Sunday! xx
Guatemala // 2022