Dating a Pathological Liar for 5 Months

This is the story of how I was constantly lied to without even being aware. I spent 5 months everyday with this guy.

Name is changed to protect Josh

Powder King, Canada / 2021

I returned from Costa Rica in mid-February, 2021. Upon my arrival in Canada I had to quarantine. I texted a friend named Josh that I had not met up with in 2 years. We made plans to go for a walk. Josh was 6 foot 5 inches and a big teddy bear. When I had laid eyes on him for the first time in those 2 years he looked a little worse for wear. His teeth were completely stained from my guess of a combination of smoking a lot of weed and not brushing his teeth. He’s hair was long and hidden under a hat and his beard was unkept. Through those 2 weeks of quarantine we went on multiple walks, overtime he came out of his shell.

We set up a day to go skiing. You see I do not have a lot of friends in my small town and the ones I do have are usually too busy to do fun things. Anyway, the nicest, closest ski hill is a 4 hour drive away. We had a lot of fun together. I started back working a lot but since Josh did not have a job I hung out with him in my free time. I did not do drugs of any kind and I think by being in Joshes life I helped him come out of his depressed state. I remember the first time I went to his parent’s house, which he lives at, and I helped him clean his room. That thing was nasty. We are talking about food that has been moulding for months.

Our relationship at first was merely friendship. We had done weekend trips, housesitting and gaming nights where we would sleep in the same bed but nothing would happen. After 2 months something slowly progressed but even then it was more like a friendship.

Tumbler Ridge. Canada / 2021

Josh was my project. He was 25, unemployed, unhappy and honestly I have no clue what he was doing with his life. He was at one point a pipe fitter in the oil patch but after making a couple hundred thousand he got out. Josh wanted to return to the patch but had no motivation to do anything.

We ended up going into a lockdown in April. I hate to sit still. I got a job at the paper mill. It was a mindless job but it was night shift working 12-14 hours. I got Josh a job as well. He was in a better unit and day shift. Surrounding himself with people in a good environment helped him even more. Every day after work I would drive out to his parent’s farm and sleep there while he went to work. Josh would come back after his shift, make me lunch then I would go. Josh was very sweet and whatever I wanted to an extent he would do for me.

After working 30 days straight the job finished. Perfect timing too because the lockdown ended. I had gone back to work for a few more months at the restaurant and around this time I finished my semester of school as well. The same company that offered me work at the pulp mill gave me another job building a school. I had taken on both jobs working 10 shifts a week. With a little persuasion, I got Josh a job at the school as well. We would work 8 hours together then I would go to the restaurant. After work at the restaurant I would drive 30 minutes to the farm to sleep and we would drive to work together in the morning. It was like we were married.

Every couple of weeks we would go to this small town in British Columbia called Tumbler Ridge. His sister owned a second house there and it was perfect to just chill. I had a lot of stress that I would put on myself. Every time we would go there we would be hooligans. Cook every meal. Hike every day. Dance all night. As much as I liked and cared for Josh, I knew deep down I could never truly be with him. We were just too different. He has never been outside of Canada, has not swam in the ocean, did not have big dreams or an outgoing personality. He never motivated me or pushed me to be a better human. He was 25 but re-told the same stories all the time because he has not had a lot of experiences. I know this may sound harsh but it is realistic.

Tumbler Ridge, Canada / 2021

With the money we made working at the pulp mill I suggested we should go to Greece together. He was overjoyed. His parents were very happy as well, his grandma even told me how much he has changed for the better since meeting me. I looked for flights over and over. As usual he would not take action. He had ordered a passport at the beginning of March and it was now the end of June and he had still not received it. I told him we could go to Edmonton together to go in front of whoever we had to, to get a passport within a week. He just blew it off. I booked my flight in hopes it would put pressure on him to be proactive about his passport. He did nothing.

Everything came crashing down soon after. Turns out Josh was lying to me. Not just about one thing or two. Everything Josh told me was a lie and what he did not lie about, I could not tell the difference between the truth. Josh was had no money. Okay, this should not have surprised me because he was not working and living with his parents. I guess when someone tells me something I choose to believe it. Being broke is not the issue. I have a lot of friends that are broke, a lot of people before starting a company or become successful have no money. The problem with him being broke is he lied to me about it and would smoke weed and game with the boys for the first 2 months of us hanging out. People who have no drive have no place in my life. I thought he was overworked in the oil patch and was taking a few months off.

One time I finished work at the restaurant around 11 pm and we drove to Tumbler for a weekend after. When we got there he could not find the hidden key. We could not enter the house at 3 am and it was a 4 hour drive back to Grande Prairie to get the key. We drove to get the key in Grande Prairie and then back to Tumbler again. I found out that the key was at the house the whole time and he just chose to lie about it.

When we first met he told me he had the same converse shoes as me which he did not. I do not think he ever applied for his passport in March. After the school construction job finished they asked him to do another job in which he needed some tickets. He lied to me and our employer about them. He lied about inviting friends to Tumbler and then made an excuse why they could not go. He lied about his ex-girlfriend, about dinners, about quitting smoking weed. Anything you can lie about he lied about. Everything made sense. The reason I would pay most times we went out to eat was because he had no money. Then after we started working and got paid he would buy groceries. He was horrible with money as well so a week after he would be paid he would spend all his money on meaningless stuff and then he would be back in the same situation.

I have no idea why. I speculate that it could have been because I have achieved a lot and he was intimidated by that. Or he is insecure. In my opinion, I had been nothing but a good influence. I got him to quit doing drugs, stop vaping, cleaned up his room, changed his style and bought him around $500 worth of clothes, I made a smile re-appear on his face. My parents liked him and his parents liked me.

I found out everything 2 weeks before I left. I had also just received my second dose of the vaccine. I was completely ill. I spent a week in bed without eating. Between heartbreak and the fever, it was a deadly combo. I had spent every day with Josh for 5 months, he lied to me every day for 5 months.

I left for Europe. I had a great time meeting new people and exploring unseen places. I fell in love with myself and fully realized how messed up the whole situation was.

On my return, it was September 1st, 2021 around midnight. I started school that day as well as work. I was on an 8 hour time difference. Josh picked me up from the airport and I asked him to buy me school supplies, which he kindly did. My parents left for Italy two days after my return and I needed help with my dog. I asked Josh to come over to feed him and walk him while I went to work. He came over and I gave him the rundown. I asked how he was. He was still working at the job I had got for him. I asked how his parents were doing and if they knew that they were no longer going to see me around. He told me that his parents still thought we were together. Josh in his twisted mind had not told his parents with whom he lives that we were not together. For 6 weeks we had been split but for 6 weeks he led his parents to believe we were together. That was the last time I saw Josh. I was very creeped out and afraid of what could happen.

Why am I telling this story? Well you see, I think it shows you can give someone everything they need and they will still lie to you, use you and f*ck you over. We had a lot of fun together. It is a shame. At first, I thought I was to blame. That I did not create a safe enough space for him to confide in me. Then I thought it was my fault that I wanted to help him and maybe that is not what he wanted. However, when you are 25-years-old a 20-year-old should not be trying to sort out your life problems.

It is very interesting to see how Josh has impacted the way I interact with people now. Before I would blindly trust everyone. What they told me I believed, for I had no reason to think differently. Now, I take everything with a grain of salt. I do not let myself interact with someone I think might be lying. He taught me a lot of lessons and for that, I am grateful.

Back on track with this post. Do I think Josh is a bad person? Not really. After I confronted him about his lying issues he truly did want to stop. He needs professional help to get to the root of why he was lying so much. I ran into one of his close friends, he asked me why we broke up. I replied because he was a pathological liar. His response was “obviously but that is just Josh.” That gave me some peace of mind knowing it was not just me who he lied to.

I am now in Colombia. It is nice. The weather is beautiful the country is cheap and the people are happy. See you Thursday. Bye for now. xx

Tumber Ridge, Canada / 2021