Post Travel Depression /Life Update
Baru, Colombia // 2022
Post travel depression. Is it a real thing or a figment of my wild imagination? My trip ended abruptly due to an unforeseen problem. The problem is not to be talked about because those involved do not want it public information but yes everyone is okay and at the same exact time no one is okay. Anyway my 9 month trip ended after 3 ½ months. I cancelled plane tickets to Tanzania as well as Turkey. There is nothing more upsetting to a traveler than cancelling plane tickets while you are stuck in a place you do not want to be.
Anyway, back to the story. I came back to a place I always dread coming too, Grande Prairie, Alberta. A little town in the middle of nowhere with the next largest city 5 hours away. Most people in my opinion are small minded, boring and do nothing for fun except drink. The good news about Grande Prairie is there is a lot of money passing through this town. When I was in Colombia I sent out 5 text messages to former employers. 4 out of 5 of them re-hired me on the spot and the fifth told me to come in for an interview. Just like that I had 4 jobs. The jobs were at a paper mill, waitress at the Crown, waitress at Township Golf Center and construction laborer. With a town so boring it is easy to work a lot because you are not missing out on anything.
With my odd free nights off I started going on dates. Dates remind me of traveling. It is like a glimpse of what my other life is: traveling the world and meeting cool people with amazing stories, while networking but at the same time getting to know weird things. The issue of going on dates in a small town is you run into a lot of people you know. People of your past remind you of your past or hold you accountable to your past self. For example when I traveled for the last 3 months I grew so much as a person. I added 100 amazing stories to my memory. However, to people that did not travel for the last three months they did not grow as much or as fast. They did not have the time to work on themselves. They were too busy working to pay bills, feed the kids, or caught up in petty drama about nothing. Is it their fault? Of course not, they are just trying their best like everyone else.
Last week I worked 95 hours. I made a lot of money. Is that the point though. Where is my balance from working half of the year to taking half of the year off? I am lost. I hate working for other people. Being a waitress I sometimes stand there thinking, is this what I want for the rest of my life? Obviously not but what other job allows you to make maybe just under six figures a year if you worked it consistently and not having the stress of carrying a company on your back? Plus the bar owner is the best boss I ever had and allows me to take as much time off as I need without penalizing me for it. I would love to work at a mill and or in oil and gas. Not only is it amazing money but you also see an end goal, each day you accomplish something plus shift work is nice when you like to travel. The problem with oil and gas and mills is how male dominated it is (although everyone says it's getting better it is still not good enough.) No matter what you do you get criticized. Last year I worked on this 42 million dollar project at the mill. I worked the night shift 30 days straight. It was cold so I wore tons of layers with x-large coveralls over top of everything. When things started running again at the mill it became hot as hell. I took my layers off until I was left with leggings and a long sleeve. I was sweeping up some wood chips when everyone else was on break and the superintendent in his 60’s of the whole 42 million dollar project hired by the mill came by. At this point we were friends. We talked about how his 27 year old daughter was in a musical and how his wife wanted to redo the tiles in their bathroom. It took me by surprise when he told me how my ass looked good in leggings. Last week when I was at the mill I gave the welder my phone number so he could call me when he came back from his break (this is not uncommon.) That way I would not have to wait for him and I could sit in a nice warm trailer until he needed me. Later that night when I was snuggled in bed I got a call from that same welder saying he mistakenly called me but then asked if I was going dancing with my crew that night. I am getting carried away into why all men suck post but I will refocus myself.
Anyway I went dancing on one of my days off because that too reminds me of traveling. I am no professional but I have fun. I went to the Den which is our local college bar. My date ended up leaving me to drive home drunk. I was being watched by a man who once was my friend who said he would drive me home but took me to his house instead and ended up hitting me. Dancing beside girls who value what they look like more than how they make others feel. Being hit on by guys who only talk about how much money they make but end up spending it all on drugs and alcohol anyway. The next day after dancing I booked my next ticket. Honestly, it isn’t the town or the people that suck but I just do not belong here.
I set myself up for failure. I overwork myself. I do not spend time doing the things I love to do. I love to cook, paint, go for walks, photography, write and feel things. When I work till 3am and then have to be up to work for 8am I am run down to the ground. Not only that but my relationships in my life are stressed and I do not have time nor energy to fix them.
What is the best way to deal with post travel depression? Never stop traveling! Just kidding I have no idea but having another trip or goal to work towards helps me. Give yourself time to do things that you want to implement in your life. Never take anything too seriously, we are all here on earth for a short amount of time, do not let outside factors dictate the way you feel. I have traveled to 18 countries since 2020 in a time where people said it could not be done. In reality if you want to do something there are 1000 options and if you do not, there are 1000 excuses. You have the choice of how you want to live your life.
This was supposed to be a post travel deppression blog but ended up to be a little like a life update. Knowing I had to leave South America and come back to Canada made it to hard to write because I was upset and trying to hold everything together. Remember you have no idea what anyone is going through on the daily basis so be kind. xx
Tirana, Albania // 2021