Sometimes it’s better to part ways.
I’ve been meaning to tell this story for a while but as of yesterday it has an unexpected ending. When I invite people into my life I don’t care what country you come from, what languages you speak, the colour of your skin, the only real thing I care about is how a person makes me feel and if they are going to add something into my life. Long story short you have to be cool with no major toxic issues that’s going to affect my life.
Last summer 2021, I left to Greece to escape the pathological liar that I had been with the previous 5 months. (I wrote a blog about it so you can read it if you want). I had no real plans in mind headed to Mykonos. I somehow ended up in Albania, then Montenegro. One night a random Serbian guy and I climbed a large cliff to reach the castle at the top, for sundown. As the sun was setting I looked to a stranger beside me who was drinking a beer. I made a comment of how it was a smart idea. A quick conversation later and an instagram exchanged occurred. That night we texted and made plans for lunch the next day.
The next 3-5 days I spent with the 3 guys driving around Montenegro and exploring everything the beautiful country had to offer. We went to the best sunset dinners, rafting in the coldest river in Bosnia, drinking way to much Raki (local liquor), dancing in the streets. It felt as though time moved in our favour. It was the highlight of that month trip. I felt truly on top of the world.
Over the next 6 months I kept in contact with 2 out of the 3 guys. One was from Bulgaria and the other from Germany but living around the world with no true destination just an ongoing journey. They were successful business men. The Bulgarian studied at Cambridge and in the USA and currently works for a German company. The German owns a successful online business. I learned a lot from the both of them. They treated me with respect and it was one of the first times I didn’t feel looked down upon by successful men.
The Bulgarian and I had a bit of a travel romance but we were only really ‘seeing’ each other for two days. I went back to Canada to study and the Bulgarian went to Bulgaria and the German to Cyprus.
A couple months later I get a text asking if I wanted to go to Mexico over New Years. I didn’t even have to think about it, I instantly said yes. Any escape to get me out of the Alberta winter. Mexico came and it was a lot of fun. It was ten of us total. Four couples and the Bulgarian and I. Automatically if you are the only two single ones paired together surrounded by four couples, you are coupled up. I didn’t mind, I liked him. The first two weeks were amazing, we went to festivals, Mayan ruins, rented small yachts, motorbiked and drank enough tequila to kill a small dog.
We caught COVID in Mexico City and being locked up with anyone for a week or two is going to make situations different. I told him not to fall in love with me and that I was dangerous. (I have had travel romances in the past that have broke me and I know my lifestyle and the way I love is very inviting but at the end of the day I will always put myself first). I also wanted to kill him for a day or two but I think it was because the environment was not ideal and we were both sick. We went back to the warm weather, Puerto Valletta and everything went back to normal.
Puerto Valletta was gorgeous. One night we were celebrating one of the guys birthdays and got into the tequila again. We were all so drunk dancing in the restaurant, doing cartwheels in the street. That night I asked the Bulgarian ‘what am I to you’. He replied something along the lines of ‘my travel girl but nothing more’. I was upset but over the next two days, but after I adjusted and thought it was best anyway. A day or two later we sat down and he purposed the idea that I would be his girlfriend. I was speechless. A day earlier he wanted nothing more from me. He explained that he was drunk and only joking. Weird. Anyway I spent a week or two thinking hard about it before I declined. I did long distance with my first boyfriend for 5 months and it was torturous, plus I was headed to Colombia in a month where I was going to travel with a Argentinian male doctor for 30 days and it would not be fair for anyone in that situation. The Bulgarian accepted my denial for a relationship but we still kept in contact as friends, (so I thought).
That leads me to this trip today. I re-met the German and the Bulgarian. Things went great the first and second day. On the third day it was for the most part really good. We went on a boat party, rented scooters, then ended back at the boat party dancing to a DJ with a live saxophone, while watching the sun go below the hills. Breathtaking.
I noticed the Bulgarian was in a bad mood for most of the way back to Ibiza. When we arrived back to the room we were staying in I asked him what the matter was. He replied with ‘something has changed between us’. To be honest something had and I was no longer putting out. I was not holding his hand, kissing him, giving him the affection that I had given to him in Mexico. I guess through our conversation he just expected everything to go back to the way it was. Typically it would but I went through a lot of shit the last couple months and I felt no need to be in a ‘fake’ relationship for 4 days in Ibiza. On the other hand I was not hitting on anyone else or allowing for flirty conversations to happen. I was technically still with him but just not physically if that makes sense.
This made him sad and I had no real response to why I changed. I felt bad for him but I am also not going to do something I am not feeling just because I feel pressure to do it. I have also been to Ibiza before and the only reason I came here was to see him again but that wasn’t enough. He told me he could no longer see me. I’m okay with that because I don’t want to lead anyone on or be around someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Then he was trying to make me tell him something I wasn’t willing to open up about. It led to an awkward night sleep (I would have left to give him space but it was already midnight).
In the morning I awoke to him packing everything. I packed my things as well. He told me if I wanted I could go with the both of them to Ibiza Town. Having a half assed invite, no other plans and no where to sleep that night, I declined. It would be very unusual and awkward if I stayed again with him.
I am very independent and booked my own place for the next two nights before my flight. If I knew sex would be expected for me to stay and party with them I never would have gone to Ibiza in the first place. My mistake on misjudging a situation.
Anyway, I am pretty pissed off to be honest. I had an amazing time in Montenegro and Mexico and I’ll always be thankful for that. Maybe I am in the wrong in this situation, I am not sure, it is still fresh. The way I see it though is someone who understood me, my views on life and all my traumas, still tried to change me. I think if the roles were reversed and I was in his situation I would make it through the trip still having a good time but set boundaries before we re-met on the next trip.
He asked me before we parted ways that I not write about him yet he loves the freedom of speech. I guess until it involves you. I replied telling him I’ll block all the people that I met through him on my stories so they will not know when I post. So a disclaimer to if any of his friends are reading this, their are two sides to every story and I am sure he has as good as reason as me to be upset.
On to a new adventure. Back to three years ago when I was 18 and alone in Ibiza. Hehe I had a lot of fun.
Remember ladies you have the say who enters you body and who doesn’t. You don’t need to please anyone if you are not feeling like it. Sometimes you are better off without people. Maybe I need to be a nun for a couple years, or maybe men need to figure out a way to not be so sexually frustrated all the time.
Ciao babies. I’m off to Morocco on Monday. A place I can relax and calm down. As I sit here writing this I got offered to join another table to meet new people, which I will join. I realize sometimes you need to turn over a new leaf. As someone exists, someone enters. (In this case the Bulgarian exists and two Americans enter). Another day another story I over share on the internet. Cheers.
xxxx
Ibiza, 2022